Posted in Poetry

where the heart is

To me, home isn’t a

Place as much as it

Is a feeling. It’s love

And happiness but also

Sometimes, anger

And sadness.

It’s tens of games of

Bukhara and wasting

Hours searching for

Something to watch,

Rima getting jealous of

Me being the favourite

And arguing about who

Should heat the

Water (not me).

It’s forcing me to eat

Badaam and teasing

Mumma for not

Remembering character names,

Making sure to hug her

When she’s crying (one from

Papa’s side because he’s far

Away) and constantly

Discussing the weather.

It’s papa nagging Rima to

Study French and tracking

The construction of GJR

International School,

Staying up until mumma-papa

Are back and faking sleep

When they come to check.

To me, home is safety

And comfort, family: it’s

My parents and little

Sister.

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Posted in Poetry

not ready to say goodbye

I once read a

Book in which the

Protagonist said

See you later

Instead of

Goodbye.

See you later,

The most forgiving

Girl I know, a little

Loud but her heart

Speaks louder. (I hope

You find an British prince).

 

See you later,

The kindest girl

In the world, who’s

Always believed in me.

You’re amazing.

(Ryan Jefferson misses you).

 

See you later,

Girl who’s so smart,

Thanks for always

Understanding where

I’m coming from. (Stronger

Than Bong Soon!)

See you later,

Boy who’s just great,

You’ve always been

There for me without

Any judgement. (You can

Even visit the palace).

 

See you later,

School of a million

Memories, you changed

My world every day. Thank

You for the people I’ve met

And the things I’ve done.

 

Not to be sappy but I love you guys more than you’ll ever know and I’m so happy we’re friends. I appreciate all of you (including the ones I didn’t write about!) Thanks for everything y’all have done for me ❤

Posted in Poetry

this is what loneliness feels like

I check my phone

And there’s no new

notifications: dying

a little each time

no one says anything.

 

I hide on Instagram,

hoping to feel like

I’m a part of something.

(It doesn’t really work.)

(I just feel lonelier.)

 

I haven’t told anyone

how I’ve been feeling-

maybe I’m on an

island but it’s my

own freaking fault.

 

I’m good at wearing masks,

no one’s realized anything

is wrong; I cry out for

help in the empty

desert (Someone, read this).

 

I crave interaction,

physical contact;

I want to curl up

into a ball and

break down.

 

My head hurts and

my eyes sting and

I want to go home

but the thing is,

I am at home.

 

I fake a smile,

but I just wish

someone would

call me and ask

how I’m doing.

 

(I don’t like how I feel right now.)

(I want someone to talk to but I don’t want anyone to see me like this.)

If we don’t talk properly when we’re in the same freaking city, how am I supposed to believe that we’re going to keep in touch when we’re across the planet from each other?

Posted in Things I Loved Reading/Listening To

Generation Why – Conan Gray

Why why why why
Why why why why
Why why why

I was off
Keying cars parked on radium lawns
By suburbian moms
I called a friend
Let’s meet at ten
Go wherever we want
‘Cause no one cares that we’re gone

This town don’t got much to do
You and I haven’t got much to lose
Do you wanna rock in your room like we always do?
Talk about how fast we grew
And all the big dreams that we won’t pursue
Then get in your car and laugh ’til we both turn blue

‘Cause we are the helpless, selfish, one of a kind
Millennium kids, that all wanna die
Walking in the street with no light inside our eyes
We are the worthless, cursed with too much time
We get into trouble and lose our minds
Something that I’ve heard a million times in my life
Generation Why

Parents think, we’re fast asleep
But as soon as we’re home, we’re sneaking out the window
‘Cause at this rate of earth decay
Our world’s ending at noon
Can we all just move to the moon?

This town don’t got much to do
And you and I haven’t got much to lose
Do you wanna leave everyone in this place for good?

‘Cause we are the helpless, selfish, one of a kind
Millennium kids, that all wanna die
Walking in the street with no light inside our eyes
We are the worthless, cursed with too much time
We get into trouble and lose our minds
Something that I’ve heard a million times in my life
Generation Why

Why why why why why why why why
We’re livin’ night to night
Why why why why why why why why
Since we’re bound to die, oh
Why why why why why why why why
Oh, what’s the use in trying?
Why why why why why why why why
And it’s exactly why

‘Cause we are the helpless, selfish, one of a kind
Millennium kids, that all wanna die
Walking in the street with no light inside our eyes
We are the worthless, cursed with too much time
We get into trouble and lose our minds
Something that I’ve heard a million times in my life
Generation why

Why why why why why why why why
Why why why why why why why why
Why why why why why why why why
Why why why why why why why why

Posted in Poetry

out of sight, out of mind

I’m scared to move.

I’m scared that as soon

As my flight takes off,

Everyone is going to

Forget about me.

Maybe they’ll remember

Me a couple of years later

As that girl who moved

To the USA, what is

She even up to now?

I’m scared that our

Bond was as strong as

Our proximity and that

nine years of history

Were just that.

I’m scared to be

Lonely in an

Unknown country,

Scared that no one’s

Going to want to

Keep in touch like

They said they would.

I’m scared that my

Texts and video calls

Will go unanswered –

Sorry, I was sleeping,

You up now? What’s the

Time there?

That’s why I want to stay

For even an extra day;

I’m not ready to say goodbye

And especially not

For ever.

(9th May is going to suck.)

Posted in Rant

2018, you rocked my socks

Hey guys, what’s up?? Happy new year (yes, I know this is a late wish but hush)!!

So I’ve seen this kind of stuff on Instagram and it looks really really fun and cool so here goes!

-X-X-X-

January: I talked to an actual editor and my future became a little more clear. I don’t think a lot happened this month but I did become closer to a lot of people I didn’t used to talk to. I started going to the gym with my friend (which unfortunately did not last very long). My friends and I tried to take photos of mocking this group of guys in our apartment and it was the funniest shit ever. (It wasn’t mean!! We were just making fun of the way they pose in pictures

February: I volunteered for a literary fest and got to meet Rupi Kaur! It was so SO much fun and I wish I could go back. My cousin moved in with us and we got a lot closer which was cool even though I hate him (jk I love him).

March: I started writing a 10,000 word story to see if I could do it but I wrote seven thousand and something words when I realised my story had no plot. Oh well. For my friend’s birthday, we dressed up in sarees and we looked hella fancy.

April: I decided I wanted to go abroad for studies, a really really big decision that changed the course of the entire year. I went to my grandparents’ place in Ajmer and we went to a limestone dump yard and it is so trippy. My cousins and I choreographed dances when we were bored and we built a zoo out of Scrabble.

May: I went to camp with my friend and met some amazing people there. I camped out in the mountains for two days which was an Experience. I had so much fun there!

June: We went out for my friend’s birthday in pyjamas in the middle of the day, super strange but more fun than I expected. My cousin moved to Bangalore for college which was weird because I used to only see him once a year but I have a lot of fun with him so it’s great. Quite a few relatives visited this month and our small apartment was PACKED; it was great.

July: I went for my school trip which was so so so fun; I had a debate over the ‘L’ in almond that is still going on (it’s aLmond, by the way, not aah-mond).

August: I started going for SAT classes which were honestly fun??

September: My dad moved to the US, which sucked bad. But on the bright side, there was this huge festival/concert/dance thing in my apartment complex that was so COOL.

October: I wrote my SAT and got a 1500, thank God. I did good in my midterms too which I was so grateful for because I was so scared I hadn’t studied enough. I went for two dandiya nights where I danced my feet off, they were killing me afterwards but it was totally worth it.

November: I had my informal graduation which was so much fun! It was a little irritating in the beginning when we had to take care of all the drunk people but as they sobered up it became way more fun!

December: I think December was one of the best months. I had my last day of school, a bittersweet goodbye, but we spent the day dancing in wigs and hats, waving ribbons and it was the most fun. I had my last annual day, which was SO good, I danced my ass off and I had so much fun chilling with my friends. The very next day, I had my play, Around The World In 80 Days, which was such a thrill and an unforgettable experience, it went AMAZINGLY. I GOT INTO COLLEGE, WHICH ROCKED MY SOCKS! I had my birthday too!! I got a typewriter, a new phone and my friends surprised me! It was so good!

Guys, this was so much fun to do, I’m going to start doing this every year. Happy new fourth day of the new year!! Love y’all and I hope you guys have a great year ❤